Ask, Get vs Don't Ask, Don't Get.

Ask, likely get. Don’t ask, don’t get. 

This is the single most important piece of life and business advice. 

In my programs and 1:1 coaching, I call it ‘going it for the ask’. 

It’s nuanced. 

You can’t always unleash with an ask. 

It’s contextual. 

What I will say is, the more you ask, the more you get. 

The ‘get’ is actually important feedback. 

Feedback around whether you were actually entitled to ask. 

Timing, warmth and context matters when going in for the ask. 

Here’s some examples. 

Life:

1. As I write this, I am staying in a luxury hotel in Brisbane, The Calile. 

   • I got a room upgrade to a superior king city view room. 

   • I have requested a late checkout tomorrow. 

   • I have asked for fresh milk and ice for my room each morning so I can make my own matcha. 

   • I have asked for a razor because I forgot mine. 

2. I just hosted my annual spring R&R Retreat on Waiheke Island. I paid for 3 nights accommodation at the luxe Kaitiaki Lodge. The week before the retreat began, I asked the owner if he would rent me the lodge at a discounted rate as there were no guests leading up to retreat. He gave me a nightly price that I wasn’t willing to pay 😂 - so that ‘going in for the ask’ led to a no from my end.

   The afternoon before retreat began, I asked if I could stay the night before, to ground into the space and set up. 

   I was expecting a no. 

   I didn’t mind either way. 

   He said yes. 

   I got a $2,000+ per night stay, for free. 

   Purely because I asked. 

I’ve done this for much of my life. 

I used to think I was ‘a lucky person’ when in actual fact, I’ve always been audacious. 

The saying “you’ve got enough cheek for another set of teeth” is me. 

I am all for the cheek and going in for the ask. 

When clients work with me, they get a lot more of what they actually want because I encourage them to get out there and ask for it, claim it and own it. 

Together, we care less about the outcome and more about who we become in the process of each act. 

Each messy action.

You’ll ask when the timing is wrong. 

You’ll ask and they’ll say no. 

Ask anyway.

We’re here to chip away at the ego of ‘what other people will think’ and move into ‘what do I really want?’. 

At some point, there will be a yes. Then another yes. Then another and you won’t believe your ‘luck’ - when in actual fact, you were collecting nuanced feedback and evidence. You got better and better at your life and business by going after what you actually want. 

Business:

The reason I’ve done well in business for coming up 8 years now is not because I am uniquely talented or better than anyone else. 

It’s because I don’t sit back and wait for people to be ‘attracted to me’.

I don’t wait for people to buy from me. 

I am not holding off for some perfect time where clients flock in and are so ‘attracted to my magnetism’ that I don’t need to ‘sell’ to anyone. 

I’ve gone in for the ask thousands of times to know what a cold, warm, hot, smoking hot and sizzling firecracker lead looks and feels like. 

When I know someone is warm, hot, smoking hot or a sizzling firecracker, I know how to approach them.

I know how to read them. 

I know how to position myself in a way that shows them that I am the solution to their problem. 

It’s not salesy. 

It’s not forced. 

It’s not ‘against their will’. 

It’s just me. Embodied.

I give people my time, energy and my all, regardless of whether they decide to purchase from me or not. 

As a result, they tend to buy. 

If we’re talking about the nuance of ‘going in for the ask’ - ask yourself… 

1. How much of my time am I giving because it’s part of the process vs being obsessed with the outcome and feeling resentful of the time spent? 

2. Does the context feel right to go in for the ask right now? Or do I need to offer more value, connection and ask more questions? 

My ideal client wants to feel seen, heard, validated and cared for. 

That requires my time. 

My work is highly intimate and very high touch point. 

I am willing to give my time, I always have been and I always will be. 

That is what makes me great at what I do. 

I am not factoring in what I am getting paid by the hour or what my CAC (customer acquisition cost) is. 

My heart leads, my love language leads, my genuine care and purpose leads. 

The results follow suit. 

I know when I’ve under priced something. I feel resentful. All good feedback to do it differently next time. 

I know what it feels like to say yes to a client I should have said no to. I feel worn out by the emotional labour they demand. All good feedback to do it differently next time. 

Keep going, keep asking, keep showing up and keep in mind the process is all we ever have. The destination keeps changing so make sure your life and business is a steady process of pivoting into alignment. 

💙

Here’s to…

Brooke’s website: https://brookenolly.com/

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