Do you need things to be a certain way?

I’ve never been diagnosed with ADHD, I’ve never gone on any form of medication for anxiety or depression (although I have experienced these in their entirety), I’ve never been diagnosed with anything but I have a sneaking suspicion if I were to go and get a full workup, I’d probably have ADHD and be on the spectrum somewhere, I can’t know for sure.

The reason I am sharing this is not because I feel holier than thou for never taking oral medication (I have been in consistent therapy for over 5 years) it’s because what I do know for sure is my brain doesn’t work in what is coined a ‘neurotypical’ way. It’s been wired to work in a way that keeps me ‘alive’. I went through some seriously f***** up trauma growing up and I don’t remember much of my childhood at all before age 12.

I’m pretty OCD.

I ‘need’ things to be a certain way.

I’m often unable to handle sensory overload and find many things intolerable like small talk and loud rap/metal music.

I find people that talk about themselves incessantly really difficult to be around and long winded stories with no punchline like fingernails down a chalkboard.

I find humans in a social sense difficult to be around unless we share similar values (sobriety, growth, intellectual pursuits, business, wellness)

and…

I’ve never really known how to ‘plan’.

When I was in corporate and even at uni, there was emphasis on the 5 year plan, the 90 day plan, the retirement plan and I thought, “who cares?”. Fast forward to today, I adopted a tool that worked for me and it indirectly helped me plan and take a LOT of action over the past 7 years. It’s the main reason I was able to create my version of success, I think…

If I didn’t have this tool, I would have retreated into thinking there was something wrong with me because I just didn’t think like other people or want to live the way they lived.

What it boils down to is; I do the best I can with what I have.

What I have is a brain wired for hyper vigilance, a core need to control my environment and everything around me, a deep fear of intimacy and some massive trust issues.

These are all consistently worked on in therapy - nothing that happened to me was my fault but being a functional, successful, kind, generous and useful human is really important to me and that requires self responsibility, planning, consistency, showing up, being seen and choosing love.

I don’t believe in willpower. I believe in removing as much as I possibly can that tempts me into destructive inaction, self loathing and escapism. Easier said than done but it is possible.

• I don’t drink alcohol (by choice) it adds zero value to my life.

• I don’t drink coffee (by choice) I’m too sensitive and it gives me the jitters and shortness of breath.

• I don’t take drugs anymore (by choice) recreationally or prescription wise unless absolutely necessary (getting typhoid fever and feeling on the verge of death in 2022 required some antibiotics).

• I don’t eat ultra processed foods like cheeto’s, reese’s buttercups or lollies because I won’t want to stop, I can’t just have one. So I have none and live for the alternatives. When you go a long enough period of time without, your brain forgets what the ultra processed tastes like.

I try and create environments (socially, emotionally and physically) that align with my goal for a regulated nervous system; freedom and peace.

I don’t opt for peak experiences anymore. No sky diving, bungy jumping, drug taking; nothing adrenalin junkie focused, because I’m committed to a safe, parasympathetic state as much as possible.

I don’t share my problems with people outside of therapy or one or two trusted friends. I feel safest having a small, trusted inner circle that really understands me, my intentions and shortcomings. These people understand the inner workings of my heart and I am safe to open to them. In all honesty, I pay for support so I can 150% go all in on what I need, knowing they’re receiving value to support me vs offloading on a friend that may not be able to help.

For years, I always hated planning, I always left my uni assignments to either the last minute or a few days prior and the only way I could stop procrastinating was to go to the pool and swim 1.5km laps (10 free, 10 breaststroke, 10 kickboard (alternating breaststroke legs and freestyle legs) and only in the last few years have I realised it was a way to regulate my breathing, a meditative state of sorts that took me out of the sympathetic (stress, hyper alert, fearful) and into the parasympathetic (relax, rest, digest).

Yoga became that for me from 2018 onwards.

I am so grateful I now have so many tools at my disposal from years of unraveling, unearthing and uncovering who I am without all the trauma, conditioning and expectation. It’s been a really worthwhile and extremely painful journey.

If you’re anything like me and often avoid what is good for you (sitting down and planning or writing) I recommend my favourite tool, journaling.

Inside our Messy Action Community you’ll get access to my journaling masterclass (and hours and hours of content that’ll help you monetise your online coaching business). This method helped me make the first $100k in my business and is still a technique I utilise to this day.

Who is this for:

it’s for you if you’re wanting to build a profitable online coaching/mentoring business, charging upward of $1,000. You want to monetise your gifts and expertise.

it’s for you if you have a deep desire to support people and you’re no longer available to do it for free or for a low fee and desire time and location freedom.

The price will be increasing in 3 days, if you wanna save some 💰 join now. There is no commitment, cancel anytime.

Here’s to…

Brooke’s website: https://brookenolly.com/

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